You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
