I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
