guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
