Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
