hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
