I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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