He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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