I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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