The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
