I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
