I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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