i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
3 2 1 whiskey
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
