I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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