On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
