she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
