No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
