what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
