What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
