I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
