lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
