Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
