beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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