K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
