I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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