she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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