I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
