They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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