Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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