You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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