don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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