My friends, they love my intelligence
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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