were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
