God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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