I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
