I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
