You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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