apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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