omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
