don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
