his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
