Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
