I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
