Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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