And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
