I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
