She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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