ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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