i jhust puked up my retainher.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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