Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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