oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
