She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We had to coat check the pizza.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
